It was just America's birthday, and it feels like a perfect time to do my patriotic duty by taking down the evil empire. I'm talking, of course, about the Patriots. I should note here that I have nothing against the Patriots personally. As a Giants fan, they've done nothing but give me some of the best sports moments of my life.
I understand that not everyone feels that way though. To some "Darth Hoodie", otherwise known as Bill Belichick is enemy number one for both their fandom and their fantasy teams. To figure out the usage of his offense players, you'd have to be pretty strong in the force.
Luckily for you all, I owned replica light sabers that were similar to the ones they used on the set of Star Wars. I'm just the
New England Patriots Passing Attempts
Last season the Patriots attempted to throw the ball 550 times. However, for the purposes of this article I'm going to throw that out. Instead we are only going to focus on the 432 passes Tom Brady attempted. To examine the others would be to include Jar Jar Binks in the same category as Darth Vader.
The 432 attempted by Brady were the second lowest of his career, though that shouldn't surprise anyone. Roger Goodell is upset that he's losing his grip as the greatest sith lord in football, and tries to find any excuse he can to freeze Brady in Carbonite. When he finally broke his prison, where did Brady's passing attempts go?
Receiving Stats In 12 games with Tom Brady Starting:
Julian Edelman -132 (79-910-3)
James White - 68 (47-449-5)
Martellus Bennett - 53 (40-454-6)
Chris Hogan - 43 (30-558-3)
Malcolm Mitchell - 39 (28-326-4)
Rob Gronkowski - 35 (24-529-3)
Dion Lewis - 24 (17-94-0)
Rob Gronkowski - 35 (24-529-3)
Dion Lewis - 24 (17-94-0)
Danny Amendola - 17 (14-124-2)
Just to paint an even bigger picture let's look at the playoffs too
Receiving Stats in Three Playoff Games:
Julian Edelman - 36 (21-342-1)
James White - 21 (18-137-2)
Chris Hogan - 23 (17-332-2)
Danny Amendola - 15 (10-90-1)
Martellus Bennett - 15 (11-98-0)
Dion Lewis - 12 (5-33-1)
Malcolm Mitchell - 11 (7-75-0)
Now that we have a picture of whose Brady's favorite weapons were in 2016, has he learned any new tricks for 2017? The main new addition to the offense on the passing side of the ball has been Brandin Cooks. How will Brady deploy this new force trick at his disposal?
2017 Predictions
This will be Brady's age 40 season. You might think he would stop throwing as much right? Wrong! He can just upgrade the cybernetics in his arm. He will throw at least 620 times this upcoming season. Losing LeGarrette Blount and his 2nd most rush attempts (299). I just don't see the Patriots running the ball as much this year. Mike Gillisee should be the lead back, however, he's never carried the ball more than 110 times in the NFL. The Evil Empire will ride out Brady until he has proved useless, and then they will have a new apprentice take his place.
Julian Edelman is the old reliable at Brady's disposal. Nothing wrong with going to the old fashioned force choke when you really need to render your enemy helpless. In fact, the Patriots like the power of the force choke move so much they just signed him to an extension! Edelman has failed to see 130 targets only once in the past four seasons and that was because he was hurt. Over those four seasons he has averaged a whopping 155 targets per 16 games.We will see them go to the force choke slightly less, but 130 Death Star workers better prepare themselves.
Next up is Rob Gronkowski. What, you thought that Brady forgot he had force lightning at his disposal too? Sure, sometimes it only comes out as sparks because Gronk can't seem to remain on the field. When it does work the way it's supposed to though, man it's electric! In the five full games Gronk played in with Brady, he was as great as ever and possibly even better as shown by the numbers above. Gronk will see at least 120 targets assuming the force is with him.
That brings us to newly acquired weapon Brandin Cooks. Brady hasn't had dual light sabers since the days of Randy Moss and Wes Welker. This weapon was claimed from Jedi Knight Drew Brees, so we know it has quite the potency in the right hands. You think Darth Hoodie really won't know how to utilize it? You poor fool! Expect to see this weapon cutting down 115 rebels.
Just when you thought you may know all of Brady's tricks, he pulls out Super Bowl hero James White. He is the telekinesis you weren't expecting. You were trying to stop the light sabers and force moves, but you forgot about Brady's other abilities. We will see this move a little less this year, but still expect to see 70 footballs get levitated.
Chris Hogan is the force shield. He was needed when some of Brady's other weapons were malfunctioning, but now that they are back up to strength who needs to play defense? Hogan was surprisingly effective as a deep threat in 2016, but don't expect him to see more than 50 targets this season unless Brady has to return to the Death Star for repairs again.
Dwayne Allen is mind control. Every once in a while an opponent would expose Brady's weakness long enough for him to have to mind control them. Weaknesses are for the weak, and that certainly is not Brady. Should Force Lightning (Rob Gronkowski) fail to work, mind control may be needed a little more this season. It's worth noting that Martellus Bennett had both his three touchdown game and season high in receptions in two games that Gronk played. The Patriots like to use multiple TEs. There will be 45 newly mind controlled Storm Troopers by the end of the season.
What about the 90 targets that are unaccounted for? We all know Brady likes to use his various weapons to keep himself on his toes. Those will be split between Mike Gillisee, Rex Burkhead, Dion Lewis, and Malcolm Mitchell primarily. Darth Hoodie will keep us guessing all season, and laugh at our suffering!
Projections
Julian Edelman
130-85-935-5
Rob Gronkowski
120-72-1080-10
Brandin Cooks
115-75-1050-7
James White
70-49-441-3
Chris Hogan
50-32-520-3
Dwayne Allen
45-27-300-2
These projections would actually be a little lower on Gronkowski than when he's been healthy. The addition of Cooks may hurt him a little. They also call for Julian Edelman and Brandin Cooks to co-exist. Despite what all the doomsayers are saying on twitter, I don't think Brandin Cooks is going anywhere. As a result, especially given how productive Chris Hogan was, this will keep Malcolm Mitchell as an afterthought. The hype that the Rex Burkehead signing got? Probably not happening as James White will still be the top receiving back.
I think people's desire to say that Cooks won't be as good is based on a desire to see the Patriots fail. It may happen in Brady's age 40 season, but just remember that the Evil Empire has an apprentice waiting in Jimmy Garoppolo. Cooks doesn't even turn 24 until after the season starts, and the dual light saber technique isn't going anywhere any time soon!
I can already feel the hatred of dynasty twitter as it roasts for me still believing in Brandon Cooks. Your hatred only makes me stronger. I've learned to tap into the powers of the dark side. Besides, they have better cookies.
Until next time,
Rek
*All stats pulled from www.pro-football-reference.com
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